intimacy
Some of us framed our experience of stopping or even reducing our use as entering into an intimacy deficit. Like, say, going from extreme intimacy and connectedness to nothing at all. We try to connect with friends for emotional support and intimacy. Sure, it’s not the same as sexual intimacy, but it lasts longer and you can be sure it’s the real deal. Whether we’re not having sex with other men because we’re scared of how the sex will be or we’ve decided that we need to take a breather for a while, we still need to be touched and held. The energy and reassurance we get from human contact is, perhaps, more important now than ever before. For some of us, massages were a good way to meet this need and we tried, most of the time, to opt for nonsexual massage to support the notion that another person touching us doesn’t always mean it’s on, sexually speaking. Hugging and cuddling are very nurturing. Cheesy as a Hallmark card, you think? Early on it’s about learning to slow it all down, to adjust to a life where you can be with other men with your clothes on, to create and explore other kinds of intimacy than the immediately physical. When you’re ready, make a conscious decision about that animal side of your sexual self and how, when and with whom you’re going to let it loose again. Combining a conscious debut of your sexual nature with a different experience of intimacy can create the support structure for better sex.