i really wish i knew

When i started I was ending my 14th year and barely going onto 15. I never heard about meth, I just thought it was less harsh than coke, I was so uninformed it was so easy for me to fall into addiction. these two asshole guys i was hanging out with introduced me, one of them gave it to me to have sex for hours on end and i really didn’t know what the fuck i was getting myself into. it was my choice and i hate that i cant blame anyone but myself. when all the effects started to come into play with me, i seriously didn’t know what was happening, i didn’t know why i didn’t want to eat anymore, why i would stay up for 4 to 5 days and wake around in circles for hours on end, why i thought i could fucking fly, why i felt like i was god. but i didn’t care because it felt fucking great. i asked my friend "is this shit addicting?" and he said "very" i thought he was kidding. pretty soon i didn’t have money so i started to sell my stuff, and my most prized possession; my bass. the guys i was hanging out with told me to fucking stop, but of course i didn’t. pretty soon i started sleeping around to get it, every time i would look at myself in the mirror my eyes were so dark and my face so pale. i took my finals completely tweaked out and failed all of them because i couldn’t stop moving. for some reason, my stomach always ALWAYS hurt, does anyone know why? i really want to know. but anyway, my hands would go numb and my tongue would start to buzz, and then i would crash and sleep for hours, and i seriously didn’t know why i would sleep so long. this went on for about 6 months until my mother found out, she took me to rehab and i kicked and screamed for 5 months, but then something changed. i wanted to change because i hated being so depressed, i worked so fucking hard but i never went back to it, and it's going to be a year since i haven’t done it on january 28th 06, i love my mother for being there for me, and i love being clean and sober now, I don’t know how to explain it, but it's the best feeling of accomplishment in the world. if i did meth a little but longer i would’ve died, i already had been in the hospital for an overdose, and so was my friend. the minute we got home we tore our house apart looking for our shit. i really wish someone had told me what i was getting myself into, but i am so glad i went through, just because i am such a better stronger person. i still go to rehab, and now just help people that are trying to get off of it, i believe this is truly the devil's drug and anyone that is thinking about trying it should know this isn’t just a "phase" or something. it's real and it's hard to get rid of. for those of you that have, congrats. for those of you are trying, get help and keep on doing your best.