i win

I win, so far...

Me? I started with weed in college, progressed to X and moved on to crystal, I come from a country where this stuff was new back then, as a new developed nation, those are the perks. I am glad to say I am no longer addicted to it, but it used to be the love of my life for 3 years and its been 6 years since I used it. Letting it ruin my life once was enough, during which I managed to keep family members and non tweaker friends from knowing it, I am middleclass Chinese and cannot afford to loose face by going out of the closet, even if it killed me, keeping the secret was key. I think people like myself, with low self-esteem, are the easiest to get hooked, I can blame it on my loveless upbringing but let's not go there. On crystal, I was able to think, my creativity soared and I was confident, it just felt good, then of course I took the whole package, delusions of grandeur and everything, I even read the whole bible and began to understand it, my quest was the meaning of life, not a hard subject to tackle when on crystal! There were times I never slept for so many days, I got confused when people used words like tomorrow or yesterday, my biological clock was so out of tune. At the end, I ran away from that lifestyle, I ran away from my tweaker friends and I ran to another country! That's the end of my relationship with crystal, so I thought...

Now I am in a normal relationship, have a decent job and live a normal life in a new country. I still do some X when I go to the occasional rave, but I can live with that. Now that's my safety bubble, no way can the devil get in, but...

Here's the problem, In my new job, I am required to travel quite a bit...to venture out of my safety bubble! When I go abroad, mostly China, I make connections real fast and was able to get my hands on some crystal...damn it felt so good...the smell of smoking crystal was sooo good, i gave in to all my indulgence...drug and sex without abandon. I even tried other drugs which I had only heard of, like cocaine and K, but still crystal is still my favourite. I realize my days of experimenting with drugs aint over! I tripped for the first time on K, it was fantastic, only I wish I didn't panic!

It's a month now since my last drug cocktail. Crystal, u can win the battle, but u can never truly never win the war because deep down inside you cant lie to yourself but know damn well it felt good while it lasted. If you haven't tried it, don't bother...it will be a life long war. Now I cant even have regular sex nor am I interested without drugs!