why am i doing this?
I met a guy 5 years ago - and he introduced me to Tina. I had never bottomed before - WELL - Tina fixed that...it did the trick for me - and I could not get enough.
The difference with me is on Tina - for 4 years - I was insanely "anal," if you can use that in this circumstance, about safe sex and condom use - lucky for me I guess. Only problem is I would do a lot over 2 - 3 days and then have to recover for about 3 - 4 weeks. Seemed that every 1st of the month was my binge.
Then about a year ago I got a bit better access to it. Then it turned into more frequent use - although not more of a quantity of guys. But sometimes I would play unsafe.
Then I moved to trying to do it just Friday nights - and I would journal everything that I did after I was coming down.
I think it all became too much for me - and I did not like how my life was going. I was always too responsible for Tina to interfere with work etc - however, last month it did - and did it 3 times.
So I threw it all away, called my friends and told them my decision and have not looked back yet. For me - any time I get a craving - it helps me to rationalize what I would do on Tina. I tell myself I'm not a bottom naturally, I would have to load up way too much to bottom, it will only lead to trouble, it's only bad for my body, and 5 years is enough damage.
For some reason that works for me - and I think it will keep on working. I plan lots of activities on the weekends and will continue to do so.
Only obstacle is I don't know how to have regular sex now and I have no interest in sex. I hope it comes back someday - but that I will go seek help for.
Thanks for letting me share - it helps.